- But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.
- There is a simple realization from which all personal improvement and growth emerges. This is the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
- We don’t always control what happens to us. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we are always responsible for our experiences. It’s impossible not to be. Choosing to not consciously interpret events in our lives is still an interpretation of the events of our lives.
- Peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
- Relationships in life don’t really end, even if you never see the person again. Every person you’ve been close to lives on somewhere inside you. Your past lovers, your parents, your friends, people both alive and dead (symbolically or literally)–all of them evoke memories, conscious or not.
- You can have compassion without forgiving. There are many ways to move on, and pretending to feel a certain way isn’t one of them.
- If the queen had balls, she’d be the king.” If you go through life picking and choosing, if you don’t recognize that “the perfect is the enemy of the good,” you may deprive yourself of joy.
- Anger is the go-to feeling for most people because it’s outward-directed—angrily blaming others can feel deliciously sanctimonious. But often it’s only the tip of the iceberg, and if you look beneath the surface, you’ll glimpse submerged feelings you either weren’t aware of or didn’t want to show: fear, helplessness, envy, loneliness, insecurity. And if you can tolerate these deeper feelings long enough to understand them and listen to what they’re telling you, you’ll not only manage your anger in more productive ways, you also won’t be so angry all the time.
- Don’t judge your feelings; notice them. Use them as your map. Don’t be afraid of the truth.
- Avoidance is a simple way of coping by not having to cope.
- Losing somebody you love is such a profoundly lonely experience, something only you endure in your own particular way.
- What people don’t like to think about is that you can do everything right—in life or in a treatment protocol—and still get the short end of the stick.
- Your feelings don’t have to mesh with what you think they should be,” he explained. “They’ll be there regardless, so you might as well welcome them because they hold important clues.
- Being silent is like emptying the trash. When you stop tossing junk into the void—words,words,words—something important rises to the surface.
- Yalom wrote in Existential Psychotherapy, our awareness of death helps us live more fully—and with less, not more, anxiety.
- Forgiveness is a tricky thing, in the way that apologies can be. Are you apologizing because it makes you feel better or because it will make the other person feel better?
- Life doesn’t have to be perfect.
- Gain and loss. Loss and gain. Which comes first?
- First you will do, then you will understand.
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